The ‘S’ word!

Hi friends, it’s been a minute….I know…I know…I have let you down! Sorry for that…it’s not that I don’t love you anymore, it’s just business (sounds like a line from a rap song!). So what’s new?

Uuuummmmmm, well, Kenyan publishers are just reeling from the recent course book submissions to the Kenya Institute of Education (KIE). The KIE is the government body that develops curricula for Kenyan schools, and once in a while, they invite submissions for books from publishers, which books are vetted for suitability to be used in schools. Competition is tight as all major publishers dig in for some of that cake. Some fall by wayside, some barely make it through the door, and some get the door shut on them, in the actual sense of that phrase. For those who don’t know, Kenya’s publishing industry is heavily tilted towards school publishing (that’s one of the reasons why your manuscript keeps on being rejected!). I know it is not right, but that’s the way it is, and that’s what we need to change.

That’s the short of it. Throw me a line for more details (as an editor, I was in the thick of things!).

Now every publisher will have their own narration of how rosy harrowing the journey to the submissions deadline is. Authors who rarely deliver on time, illustrators who rarely deliver on time, service providers who, say with me…rarely deliver on time, editors who…rarely deliver on time, consultants who….rarely deliver on time…the drift is catching, right?

The result is that deadlines keep shifting faster than the KIE shifts its policy on Social Studies Book 4 (more of that later)! Several months later, you submit just minutes to the magical noon deadline…and wait for months on end for the results. (Publishers are living with a condition called ‘butterflies’, described as ‘nervousness before doing something’…like waiting for the submissions results).

So that’s what I have been up to….the “S” word*!

Quite a bit has been going on in the publishing world. New books are being released every month, new developments in publishing technology, new publishing ideas. (Did I hear there’s a new book on Jacob Zuma coming out? Can’t wait…the man is an….what’s the word?…enigma?).

Keep them coming!

*Submissions, silly!

10 truths about writing and publishing

1.      Publishers are bad, bad people out to make a windfall out of your writing. They will take your work, change everything in it, claim they wrote it, publish it and pocket all the money. You, the writer, will remain a poor man.

2.      It is very easy to write a book: fiction or schoolbook. You do not need to do any research, you don’t need to consult, and you don’t even need to use your own words. All you have to do is log into the internet, find relevant information, copy it, paste it and send it to the publishers as your own work. After all, the publishers will never find out.

3.      As long as you can write a story in any language and form, then your work must be published. You have a rare talent; therefore publishers are obliged to publish your writings. Remember, you are very, very talented; that’s what they all tell you.

4.      You can write in any way that you wish. You don’t need to check your work for factual errors, spelling mistakes, grammar errors. You can even invent some facts and deliberately create errors in your texts. After all, publishing companies hire many well paid editors to correct all the work. Remember, if you check your work for errors, then editors will have nothing to do to justify their stinking-fat salaries; figures with so many digits you would think it’s a Safaricon (sic) scratch card number.

5.      Once your book has been received approval for publishing, all you have to do is wait a few days for it to be printed. Publishing is easy and takes no time at all. The publishers will order tens of thousands of copies of your book from the printers. It doesn’t matter the production costs, nature of the market and type of book. You need the whole world to know that you have now become an author, and therefore your book must be found in all bookshops and kiosks from here to Kyrgyzstan.

6.       Some publishers will pay you royalties promptly and regularly. Publishing companies have safes overflowing with money. They may even send someone to your house to deliver the cheque. You see, once you have published a book, all you need to do is sit and wait for the money to start rolling in. You don’t need to market your book. You don’t even need to attend book fairs and promote your book; the publishers will do that for you.

7.      Write an autobiography; everyone does it. You are very important. Your story deserves to be told to everyone, you have a lot to tell about your experiences, right? After all, you once held the enviable position of deputy assistant chief undersecretary in the ministry of sports in charge of handball in the North Eastern province.

8.      Some publishers will tell you exactly how many copies of your book have sold. They will avail their books of account to you. That is how you are important to them.

 

9.      Publishers will always invite you, their valued author, to their end of year parties to celebrate how well they have performed in the year. They will always call you up to find out how you are doing. That is how much they care for you.

 

10.   All the above truths are, well, not true.