1. Smartphones

All that “I-have-an-iPhone-you-have-a-Nokia-phone” is really overrated. Why?  Because I believe phones were meant to be used to make voice calls and to send SMS. When they start making phones that can make coffee and send faxes, they are pushing it too far. Everywhere you go, people are tapping away at mini TVs that are today’s smartphone screens, disturbing the quiet in the room. Everyone is holding a phone a brick this huge against their ears, in the name of a phone, when all they needed to do is just quietly send an sms or talk using a ka mulika mwizi. It works just as efficiently, ask me. And you know what’s more irritating than a K24 journalist repeatedly referring to the “proposed constitution” a week after promulgation? Going on a date and your partner is busy tapping away at a smartphone using those biro top-like things, acting as if you do not exist. People, smartphones kill relationships; they remove that personal connection from a relationship. It’s like you are in a long distance relationship yet you are just a few metres away. Use a computer to do your Internet work! Which leads me to…

2. Facebook

And it’s other sisters, Twitter and MeeSpace (according to the next former president). Those things were fun when we discovered them juzi juzi. Let’s admit it, we are all inherently voyeuristic in a twisted kind of way. Many of us love knowing what others are doing, love listening to what others are saying; if only to make us feel better about our own irreparably miserable lives, if only to assure ourselves that there’s somebody out there going through worse times. Just admit it, ok? But to use Facebook as a tool for “nusu ya kuonana” is plain laziness! When did Facebook replace a nice meetup and coffee? When did Facebook take over a lazy Sunday afternoon Tusker and some mbuzi with the gang? When was it decided that it is unnecessary to scroll down your phonebook and dial my number? It’s really annoying when you meet someone after a few and all they can ask is, “The last time we ‘talked’ on Facebook you told me (fill in with juicy slice of gossip)?” Or, you meet someone after a couple of years and they go, “Are you on Facebook”? Am I on Facebook? No! On top of things is where I am…and yeah, I look through Facebook once in a while, if that’s what you were asking. Well, Facebook is just not all that, it is a professional time wasting tool.

3. Being single, happy and independent (and shouting about it)

Being single is NOT a crime. Having someone not loving you, not sending you mushy SMS everyday, not going for coffees with, not sending you bouquets on your birthday, not calling you seventeen times a day, not waiting at the salon for 4 hours as you do your hair, not cuddling you, not bosating about you to friends…..is sad. Really sad. But it’s not illegal! You can be happy when single (though you realise you will probably be happier when hooked up). Seriously though, and this goes out to my sisters, you don’t have to keep proclaiming that you are single and happy, many people really don’t care. Men have been single and happy for a long time, you never hear us proclaiming how happy we are in our single status, we just hop to the next bar, order a cold one and hope for a better day tomorrow. It really is overrated to keep shouting about your ‘single-and-happy-I-don’t-need-man’ status, because soon, we’ll see you queuing at KICC, waiting to listen to some smooth-talking West African brother promising it to rain husbands. Go out there and get a man, or else shut up and live with it! It’s a choice you made, justifying it makes you look desperate!

And this thing about being independent and paying your own bills is overrated. Look, you were born alone; you are expected to pay your own bills and buy your own food and drive your own car. You aren’t doing anyone a favour by paying your own bills…billions around the world do it, so should you.

4. This Safaricon vs Zain and all the rest.

Ok, here’s the deal. I don’t give two hoots whether any of those companies make profits or losses. MJ and Meza and the others can go do a catfight on the mountains if they so wish, I wouldn’t care. What I do care about is that I make quality calls cheaply, at any time, to any network, without terms and conditions! Simple! This debate on which network is cheaper (they are all cheap now), which network is clearer (like you need an answer to that) and which network has best data services (try an ISP, they were made for data!) is really stale now. Just load and talk.

5. Mohawks. And skinny jeans

Especially worn by men. You look queer (maybe you are queer). Quit it.

So there go my top three overrations; whats yours?

1.      Publishers are bad, bad people out to make a windfall out of your writing. They will take your work, change everything in it, claim they wrote it, publish it and pocket all the money. You, the writer, will remain a poor man.

2.      It is very easy to write a book: fiction or schoolbook. You do not need to do any research, you don’t need to consult, and you don’t even need to use your own words. All you have to do is log into the internet, find relevant information, copy it, paste it and send it to the publishers as your own work. After all, the publishers will never find out.

3.      As long as you can write a story in any language and form, then your work must be published. You have a rare talent; therefore publishers are obliged to publish your writings. Remember, you are very, very talented; that’s what they all tell you.

4.      You can write in any way that you wish. You don’t need to check your work for factual errors, spelling mistakes, grammar errors. You can even invent some facts and deliberately create errors in your texts. After all, publishing companies hire many well paid editors to correct all the work. Remember, if you check your work for errors, then editors will have nothing to do to justify their stinking-fat salaries; figures with so many digits you would think it’s a Safaricon (sic) scratch card number.

5.      Once your book has been received approval for publishing, all you have to do is wait a few days for it to be printed. Publishing is easy and takes no time at all. The publishers will order tens of thousands of copies of your book from the printers. It doesn’t matter the production costs, nature of the market and type of book. You need the whole world to know that you have now become an author, and therefore your book must be found in all bookshops and kiosks from here to Kyrgyzstan.

6.       Some publishers will pay you royalties promptly and regularly. Publishing companies have safes overflowing with money. They may even send someone to your house to deliver the cheque. You see, once you have published a book, all you need to do is sit and wait for the money to start rolling in. You don’t need to market your book. You don’t even need to attend book fairs and promote your book; the publishers will do that for you.

7.      Write an autobiography; everyone does it. You are very important. Your story deserves to be told to everyone, you have a lot to tell about your experiences, right? After all, you once held the enviable position of deputy assistant chief undersecretary in the ministry of sports in charge of handball in the North Eastern province.

8.      Some publishers will tell you exactly how many copies of your book have sold. They will avail their books of account to you. That is how you are important to them.

9.      Publishers will always invite you, their valued author, to their end of year parties to celebrate how well they have performed in the year. They will always call you up to find out how you are doing. That is how much they care for you.

10.   All the above truths are, well, not true.

Yours truly has never been a keen reader of motivational books. In fact, I cannot recall the last typical motivational book I read from cover to cover, after which I actually got motivated to chase after those elusive dreams. Most motivational authors, especially of the foreign variety – the Kiyosakis, Trumps and Sharmas of the trade – seem to constantly offer the “follow-what-I-did-to-become-successful-and-you-too-will-be-successful-in-no-time” brand of advice. And therein lays the reason I don’t read such books. You see, every person’s life situation is different, and the success strategies that worked for Kiyosaki may end up as a cropper for you.  This is more likely when such strategies have in mind economic, social and educational parameters of developed countries. The same parameters are totally different elsewhere; therefore, the tips being offered in the foreign-authored books are often way too extravagant or unviable for such a socio-economically dynamic region as Kenya.

Question: how many of us have once read a foreign-authored motivational book, noted down its points and strategies, rolled up our sleeves and got down to the business of implementing the strategies – with success? Please raise your hand! I would rather read an autobiography or biography of someone who has actually been successful at what he/she does – whether in politics, business or in a profession. These offer nuggets of wisdom that are rarely found on a theory based motivational book.

But that is me, I don’t know about you.

Granted, there are certain rules to be followed if one aims at success; such as learning from past mistakes and surrounding oneself with like-minded people. Following such simple rules will help you inch forward.

So when a few weeks back an upcoming local writer and publisher talked me into buying his motivational book, I was a tad blasé towards it. I slipped it among the books in my modest and growing home library, and conveniently forgot about it – until one recent cold Sunday morning. While browsing the shelf looking for another text, I chanced upon the said book. Reluctantly, I pulled it out, blew off the specs of dust that had found home on the top of the book, and while standing, I flicked through the pages, paying slight attention to the promotional writings on the blurb. I decided to sit and indulge in it, while sipping a steaming mug of gingered tea to fend off the cold.

The Winning Character – Succeeding where others fail, written by Murori Kiunga, proprietor of Queenex Holdings, is a 113-page motivational / character DIY book.  As its title suggests, it offers lessons on how to succeed where others fail. Now, here comes the question: why would you want to try being good at something where most others have clearly been unsuccessful at? Simple reasoning would lead you not to attempt the deed, right? Experience would have most of us conclude that some people are just meant to be successful, while others are not, right?

Not so according to Murori. He starts the book by teaching us that success is not a preserve of certain people in society; that certain tragedies in life – sickness, loss of a job, death of a loved one – rather than being viewed as setbacks, should be stepping stones to achieving success. Thus far, the book had not gripped me much; I was thinking more of the tea in mug. But when the author claims that the book is not based on theory but “is a practical treatise with a simplified message”, I decided to pay deeper attention, turning down the volume of the music system issuing the soul-stirring sounds of Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

And so I continued reading.

The foundation of his book is that trials, setbacks, challenges and tragedies are as sure in a person’s life as death, and what matters more is how you handle them. Using simple everyday examples and anecdotes to illustrate the importance of riding above the tough times, the author manages to pass the message that for one to be successful, you must derive lessons from the setbacks that we all experience from time to time.

Perhaps the most outstanding bit about this book is that unlike many motivational books, the author does not base his advice on his own success (thus feeding his ego) but that of other prominent people, historical and contemporary. He draws lessons from others’ tragedies-turned-successes, and seeks to impart the same to the reader. In one instance, he tells the story of a friend of his who was unfairly sacked at work,(now why does that sound all too familiar, I wonder) but instead of allowing the obviously heartbreaking experience to finish him off, he goes back to the village, tries his hand at business and three years later, he rises from the depression.

I am beginning to enjoy this book. It is time for a refill.

Using examples that most of us can identify with, the author goes on to give tips on overcoming  life’s challenges such as facing future uncertainties, managing stress, keeping your mind focussed in a world full of distractions and the need to be honest with yourself. Most of these challenges have been addressed in dedicated chapters, thus reducing the need to keep on searching for relevant chapters as the reader can easily refer to the table of contents for the chapter she is interested in. Many the examples that the author uses have been garnished with uplifting anecdotes and poems, and peppered with quotes from Jesus to Martin Luther King, from William Shakespeare to Thoreau. The author adds a generous dash of Biblical stories that season the whole literary dish to a very easy partaking. The import of such a writing style is that one can read it effortlessly without losing the message that is being passed across.

It is encouraging to come across a motivational book that actually takes cognisance of the common challenges that the ordinary Kenyans – me and you – experience. However, despite the uplifting messages in the book, the ease of reading through and the fact that the author uses simple, realistic examples, some of the solutions he proposes in search of success are really just a matter of common sense and are sometimes even mundane. Take for instance some of the advice he gives on managing stress: being optimistic, prioritising needs and discovering your purpose. As if most of us didn’t know that already!

My verdict? This book is worth a slot in your bookshelf. It is simple to read, uplifting and its ideas are simple to follow; great read for that easy Sunday morning when you need to remember some simple strategies that will add some zing to your life.

Do I still believe in motivational books? NO. I would rather read Wangari Maathai’s biography. It is more profound in its life lessons; some more tea please.

 I shall ask why, for a few hours ago, I lost a young nephew. Three months old he was…innocent, sweet, still had the “new baby smell”. I wrote a few verses, asking why. Somebody please tell me why…

Why?

Never question destiny, they said, but I do.

Never ask why things happen the way they do, they say, but I do.

How can you not ask?

When The Reaper approaches with a smiling face,

Yet beyond the mask, it is out on an evil task?

How can you not ask?

When the sun rose and even before he emerged from the sack,

It had already turned to dusk? How can we not ask?

I have to ask.

The morning dew tenderly caressed the grass,

Whispering promises of a life,

A life full of promise and without strife.

But the morning dew did not keep its promise,

For even before the grass could enjoy the morning rays,

Evil came knocking, asking to have its ways.

Yet you tell me not to ask; you tell me not to ask?

Why night has come too soon?

I have to ask.

Like a deluge after the kiss of the desert heat

He brought with him comfort, relief and bliss

Like the cool shade under a tree,

He gave a place for the soul to rest and to be,

And like a freshly sprouted plant,

He gave the hope of a fruitful life, free of want.

But now that hope is gone,

And once again, I have to mourn.

And you tell me not to ask why?

I must ask.

Pure, clean, blameless

What did he do to deserve the illness?

Whom did he wrong? Tell me who, now that he is lifeless.

Why must he now be in loneliness?

Far, far away from his mother’s warm caresses?

Why? I must ask.

A mother’s pain at losing a son, is

A father’s grief at losing a young man, is

A brother’s emptiness at losing a loved one

RIP Shawn, and remember,

I will always ask,

Why.

http://www.theeastafrican.co.ke/magazine/-/434746/467818/-/1540mt2/-/index.html

So I quickly offered a reply, which is as follows. Please tell me what you think of the whole issue. Good day!! Here goes:

Is writing a lost craft?

It has never been in doubt that writers hate editors. And it has never been in doubt that editors hate writers. It is usually just a question of who professes a greater loathing of the other.

When an author puts pen to paper and writes hundreds and hundreds of words that are a product of her fertile imagination, the least she expects is that some opinionated, red-pen-wielding, thickly-bespectacled man a.k.a. Mr. Editor would wring her words dry and squeeze out all the juice in the story, which story the author believed was on its way to a prize nomination. On the other hand Mr. Editor cannot believe that someone would actually spend time to churn such a barren, impotent, unconvincing, useless, plot-less, and uninspiring story. But since he is paid to correct all the wrongs that have been committed, he takes his red pen and goes ahead to menacingly chop this and add that, slash this and move that – until the book rolls hot off the press and is indeed nominated to a local “one-hit- wonder” literary prize.

Thus far, I would concur with John Mwazemba (The East African, 8^th- 14^th September 2008) when he writes that “editing is the difference between a garden choked with weeds and beautiful tomatoes by the end of summer”. Indeed, the role of book editors has never been more crucial than now, when the current information explosion we are witnessing is threatening to drown us in a sea of shrapnel. Imagine a situation where, after an author does what she does, the book goes to press without the benefit of an editor’s eye and mind to decide what should go in and what should not even approach the gate. Imagine a situation where at the king’s annual ball, everyone is allowed in without an established criteria of deciding who should rightfully attend and who should not be allowed access. Imagine at the Pearly Gates, St Peter allowing sinners and the righteous alike, access to Paradise; even the latter would feel cheated. But that is what most authors want. They want every full stop that was in the original manuscript to appear in the final product. Most do not understand that readers would not want to be cheated by reading a poorly done book. An editor must do what is right and salvage the book from ultimate rejection.

The pain which editors endure just to prepare a book for publication is intellectually debilitating. The amount of effort that an editor has to put in just to ensure that an author’s writing is acceptable is great. Sometimes, an editor is driven to lift his hands in surrender. And let me tell you why editors are a stressed lot. We do not have good authors. We simply do not have good authors. In fact, that is too pedestrian of an excuse. The reason is that we do not have good authors, and authors who can actually write. Yes. Many people think they can write, but how many actually impress an editor (and a reader) with his fluidity of language and twist of plot, with his use of imagery and punch of a beginning and of an ending? How many? Please stand up so that we may see you. Is it a wonder that we quote only two or three names whenever one asks of a good Kenyan author? Is it a wonder that when we flip the magazines and books, the articles therein are penned by the same people, year after year after year?

I have worked as a manuscript assessor, and I rejected more than 97% (I calculated) of all manuscript that I reviewed. Some I did not even read past the 1^st page. The manuscripts were simply wearingly boring and badly written. Many people want to be writers, but how many have the imagination to become authors? The reason is that very few writers will ever make it as authors, because they simply do not have it in them. I am not saying it’s a hopeless situation, I am simply saying that to write and write well, you must have something in you, a talent, a light, something to say. And truth be told, few people have it in them to write even five words, let alone read those words.

Now, in as much as some may argue that editing is dead, we must also flip the coin and ask the same. Is writing a lost art?

I ask that because now as an editor, I am confronted daily by situations where writers openly plagiarise work and claim it is theirs. What is an editor to do when writers and authors copy and paste whole passages from internet sources (mostly Wikipedia, Britannica), and from personal blogs, and then gleefully present them to an editor as his own original work, subtly inquiring when royalty cheques would be signed? What is an editor to do when a writer refuses to change a passage and accuses you of being high-handed because you refused to let through a passage that makes references to the female sexual anatomy, in a children’s book? What are you to do when the running mentality among many writers is that an editor will always re-write what is wrong? Yet that is what most authors expect of editors – to publish as-is, something we all know can never happen. It is short sighted to say that editors have lost the art, yet authors are not equal to their calling. It reminds one of one of the rules of computing called GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Repeat after me… Garbage In, Garbage Out.  After all, editors were never trained as writers; they were trained to look for errors and inconsistencies, and correct them, and to improve the quality of a text. And essentially, that is the work of an editor.

If editors have lost the art, then writers have lost the craft.

However, to be fair, there is a dearth of interest in reading among editors. In fact, it is not just editors. There is a shocking national disinterest in the written word generally; a cancer that is slowly eating into the minds of those whose task is to promote reading: editors. It is almost becoming a fad for someone to declare: “Me, I don’t like reading”. Suddenly, your social stock price shoots up.

 Reading widely is the flesh that makes up the bone of the mind. It is like the fresh spring water that occasionally wets a dry land, causing it to become fruitful. If the one rule in academia is “publish or perish”, then the one rule in publishing must be “read or perish”.  And if, as an editor, your greatest fear is bound between two book covers, then you have no business being an editor, I dare say.

Indeed, Mwazemba charges, and convincingly so: “Unfortunately, most editors in East Africa do not read anything else apart from the manuscripts they edit…”, and adds, “… cannot find the perfect phrase or vocabulary…”  Talk of a barista who never savours the satisfaction of a rich, hot mug of latte. I have never seen a football coach who did not have a passion for the game. I have however seen many editors who loathe reading, as if reading will make them less intelligent. Perhaps that is why Mwazemba, an editor, feels it’s time we went back to the drawing board and enhanced the art. Maybe then we can up the quality of the craft. Maybe the starting point is encouraging editors to dive into the products the labour so hard to produce.   

I am reminded some time back when I had attended a job interview as an editor with a large publishing house. Inevitably, one of the editors asked me my favourite author. I answered that (at the time), I am torn between Paulo Coelho and Chimamanda Adichie. To which she asked, startled: Who?

Oooooh Yes, (in a King’ang’i-like accent) its another cold, groggy Moday morning. You wake up early and take an ice-cold bath, a result of:

1. the (electric?) shock you received last week when you ripped open the electricity bill that was slipped under your door while you were busy ukijenga taifa, and you swear to keep off hot water for the rest of the month. So much for a 21% increase in rates, and
2. there’s no water in your tank because the Nairobi Sewerage Company (is there “Water” somewhere threre, I forget) decided that your residential area should be deprived of water for 6 days now (and counting). Needless to say, water bills arrive unfailingly every 3 months…3 months u ask? Yes, mine does.

So after the morning rituals, you prepare for the battle to your place of work. Its amazing the amount of risks we Nairobians put ourselves through just to get to that three-by-four piece of real estate that they call your office space. From crazed bus drivers as you try to hop into the city (what drug do those guys take for breakfast??), to thugs keen to rid you of your cash, to street children on the same mission, to the Council guys for allegedly hurling a chewing gum against a parking meter head, to the rest journey to the office…its an endless list.

I get here and look at the calendar. Its getting closer and closer and closer. Its yet another Nairobi International Book Fair. The 11th to be precise. For the 4th rate Mexican soap addicts, the NIBF (I sometimes wonder why they insist on the “I” yet, theres usually quite little of it) is where Kenyan pubishers, writers, book enthusiasts, printers, booksellers and marketers and anybody else whose income is to be found between two covers, meet and scorn at each other’s products.

Seriously though, its a showcase of what the publishing and related industries have to offer. I hear you ask: What’s in it for me? And I say: Plenty. Theres interactive talks on anything related to the written and spoken word, subsidised book prices (I got both of Adichie’s masterpieces last year for less than a thousand), tips on how you can sooth the writing bug and more.

Make a point of being there and supporting the industry. Make a point of buying a locally written and produced novel. Its been said often, and I say it again….its time for us to tell our own story. Really. Watch out for the young and coming voices in publishing,keen to rope in us young people to become book lovers and keen on upsetting the status quo which for far too long many have been shy to question.

You dont want to miss this. Its going to be held on the 24th to 28th September. For more information, click the link below.

http://www.kenyapublishers.org/11thNIBF.html

I’ll keep you posted on any developments regarding the NIBF.

 Have a lovely week, wont you?

For the love of the written word, for the love of the spoken word, we are going to share opinions, informal (and formal) critiques on anything, anything that has been/has not been, will be/can be published or spoken about. We will also do random reviews of books, magazines, speeches, and all that jazz that makes part of the wonderful world of …words.

So get typing, give me your opinions about the site and how it can be improved.

Let the words begin!!!